(Rome, Italy) Achieving a life-long dream, the wooden puppet Pinocchio turned into a true flesh and blood boy today and immediately announced his intentions to sue pop star Michael Jackson for molestation.

"Now that I'm a real boy, I can finally get some recourse for the years of abuse I've suffered at the hands of Michael Jackson," said a tearful Pinocchio at a news conference arranged outside his home in a quiet section of Rome. "Maybe my suffering will help stop other boys, both real and puppet, from being hurt by a man who hides behind his fame," he added.

Tell me lies, puppet!

Pinocchio's lawyers offered reporters detailed information about the alleged abuse.

"Mister Jackson lured Pinocchio to the Neverland Ranch with promises of candy and amusement park rides, but things rapidly deteriorated from there. In fact, we have evidence that Mister Jackson intentionally encouraged Pinocchio to lie so his nose would grow longer... something that was used for a myriad of vile sexual reasons," said Raul Felder, a civil lawyer working with the plaintiff.

Jackson's lawyers were quick to counter the charges.

The telecommunications company Nokia announced a product yesterday that will come as great news to anybody that has ever received an early morning call from a friend who is under the influence of alcohol.

Nokia is still working on a holster

The "Drunk-Phone" comes with a breathalyzer attached, which determines if the person wishing to operate the phone is sober enough to do so responsibly. If a high enough blood-alcohol level is measured, the phone is rendered useless.

A marketing survey shows that the vast majority of cell phone customers think that the new feature is a great idea for other people's phones, however they feel that it is unnecessary for themselves.

Jason Plimpton, a college student from San Diego State University, says it's a great idea. "That would certainly cut down on the number of drunk calls I get from my friends. I don't think that it should be mandatory though, I mean, It's not like I drunk call people."

The "drunk call" feature will not be activated until midnight on weeknights, although it will be activated all weekend, since the vast majority of college students seem to view the time between Friday afternoon and Monday morning as "drunk time".